F is for friends or family?

dumdum.

honestly i thought i was going to be so upset on valentines day but yesterday made me realize that there are greater things in life. being able to talk and laugh with all my friends really helped me. my parents haven't been getting along very well so its nice to have a home away from home in all my friends. shirley and yumi took me out to dinner last night at BKNY. thai food is very complicated and involve a lot of vegetables and throat burning BUT i was able to pick out a relatively simple dish and picked out all the onions. thank you guys so much. i really didn't deserve that at all. i really don't know how we got this close in such little time but last night was a landmark in my life and it'll help me remember you guys forever.

love amplified was amazing! i didn't know a couple of the songs during praise but regardless, love amplified was awesome! the skit was done really well and the staff prepared everything so nicely. a lot of people came, something i hadn't anticipated, and i really felt this unity in our community. we went out the invitations but God made it possible for all of them to come. i hope everyone had a fantastic time like i did.

church boy.

i'm deep in denial, free to be ignorant. the pain will surface.

i'm going to hurt on valentines day and my birthday. i feel it coming.

Pieces coming together.

As senior year is winding down to a close I've been given so many opportunities to establish and re-establish my friendships with many many people. I really think theres a reason why so many things are happening to me right now. I met Yumi and Shirley, who know when to be serious and when to be completely insane. They've taken my problems to their hearts and really helped me through tough times - and we just got close THIS year. I think that's amazing. Shirley and I have a lot of things in common and its scary how sometimes we speak for each other and understand each other as if we've been living the same lives in different homes. Yumi has so much compassion for everyone around her. When I tell her my issues she tries her best to help me out in whatever way she can. Through prayer, small lunch meetings on springfield, and long, thoughtful aim conversations she's been able to just make it so easy to feel at comfort.

Throughout my high school career I've neglected Christian Seekers Club so much. To my surprise, Ernar showed me my way back. Seekers seems to be an establishment of friends who support each other, laugh with (/at) each other, and just always keep the big man upstairs in their hearts and thank him for bringing them together. Maybe I'm wrong but I drastically prefer the social connections we have with each other rather than depending solely on our religion to keep us together. Ernar and I have gotten very close this year mostly because of Leaders and partly because of Seekers. One huge lesson I've learned through Ernar is that we never ever have to go through anything alone. Her ears were always open for me and I knew that I could expect honest and realistic answers from her. One thing I'd like her to know is that there will be times when you feel like nobody is listening at all, when the world doesn't respond to your cries. I'm hear to listen to your problems and pains but God is there feeling your pain, something that I can never do. That's why I'm a Christian, because I believe that God is the only god who's arms are open to everyone despite our flaws and failures. Even our parents love fluctuates, sometimes they love us sometimes they hate us, but God's love is constant. Its so hard to understand but once you get it theres this peace that just settles inside of you despite the war that goes on outside of you. Sometimes I wish we could switch places for a few days so you could feel how I feel about God. Despite anything I say, words are nothing unless you live it. O and I'd have your awesome flexibility and dancing skills for a couple of days as well. That would be awesomeness.  

As for re-established friendships, Sarah Jen Kaity Sammy and I were able to discuss our standpoints on issues we've never had to discuss before. I realized, that discussion was less of an argument and more of a landmark signifying exactly how far our friendships have come. I can't imagine college without them. Its not that I don't trust them to keep their dignity and innocence throughout college, its that I don't trust the world around them. I don't trust myself either, really. Who knows what kind of horrible person I might become in college? But I would give up my dignity anyday if that spared all of theirs. I'm so glad we were able to come to a peaceful conclusion and I hope that the last day of high school isn't the last day I get to see their faces.

There are so many people I have to apologize to. I know I've hurt people before and I'm ashamed for not stepping up and saying sorry until now. With the time I have left, I hope that I'll be able to reach out to most if not all those people.

3 lives.

So with encouragement from ernar i was able to rack up just enough confidence to donate blood this past friday. It was a great experience for me. As i watched my blood poor into that pouch i realized that donating blood might be the most altruistic deed i've ever done in my nearly 18 years. Arguably, donating money doesn't come close to donating blood because there's no guarantee that the stranger you were intending to help was in fact the stranger you were intending to help. Money can be pocketed anytime along the way, the charity organization needs money to function afterall. Advertising takes a boatload of money and mailing constant reminders to send some more cash requires money as well. But blood cannot be used in any other way aside from giving a dying man, woman, or child the opportunity to delay death. Hypothetically, a bystander is shot, his blood type is A-, and the blood bank is in short supply of the specific blood that he needs to restore his vitality. Who are we to deny an innocent man the gift of life by ignoring the signs that read EMERGENCY BLOOD SHORTAGE. This situation is not hypothetical at all. People like him don't have another day like we do. In this situation, ignorance is definitely not bliss, ignorance is death. If this is bliss to you, you are a sick individual. Isn't it a blessing to be eligible to save lives?

Jesus' body was drained of its blood until it was made certain that the body was no more than skin and bone. Nobody is setting a crown of thorns upon our heads, nobody is piercing a spear into our flesh, and nobody is whipping us until our skin break. The brief sting of a needle carefully placed within our arm is all the anguish it takes to save 3 lives. The crushing agony of 3 nails mercilessly drilled into the hands and feet of Jesus is all he had to suffer to save every human of the present and future.

If you donated, bless you. That is seriously what Jesus would do. But he's already done it.